Dinner For The Human
by Green Crayons
Summary: Emmett, Jasper, and Edward make dinner for Bella…or at least attempt to. Read and Review!
1. Raw Meat Troubles

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I'm only purely obsessed.

Author's Note: I'm utterly obsessed with Twilight and I need something to do before Breaking Dawn Comes out! Only like ten more months, _only._ Anyways I've been reading lots of Twilight fanfiction and while that keeps me occupied, I need more Twilight. Anyways I got this idea in the supermarket, and I decided to spend some of my Twilight-crazed hours, writing it. Enjoy and review!

Summary: Emmett, Jasper, and Edward make dinner for Bella…or at least attempt to.

BPOV

A low grumble erupted, loud and embarrassing, from my stomach and instantly Edward's eyes locked onto my face, radiating concern from every angle. Before I could open my mouth protest, that I wasn't all that hungry, he instantly repositioned us so we were both sitting on his bed, _no longer laying into each other. _

If I could have growled the way he was glorious at, much like other things, I would have, but I settled for grimacing awaiting his absurdness to ride along. He lightly played with my fingers as he asked, "Hungry, my Bella?" His voice was soft and melodic, everything to make my mind comply with him.

"No," I answered quickly, maybe a bit too quickly.

He could instantly tell from my immediate response and my poor lying skills that I was indeed fibbing. But I was doing it all in good taste, I wanted to spend more time with Edward. Not spending that time eating. A crooked smile broke across his gorgeous face as he answered, lightly, "Come on let's you get you some food, Bella." I shook my head, trying to repel the thought of leaving his room and going downstairs to eat. It was just a growl from my stomach, nothing that big. He always jumped to the immediate thought that whenever my stomach did perform that injustice that I was bound to drop dead in a matter of seconds, from malnourishment. Edward was much too overprotective. If he wasn't so gorgeous, it may have been irritating.

"Edward, really I'm not hungry."

"You're such a bad liar," he lowered his lips to ear causing me to shiver, "but that's just one of the reasons I love you so much." Before I could merely insist on waiting just a few more minutes or perhaps hours or even throw in some excuse that if I even looked at food I'd be sick, Edward was kissing me. Not the normal, cautious way, but as if he was going to disregard everything. Virtue and dangers. And before that moment came where he'd let go, let me breathe while he moved onto my neck, I found myself at the dining room table. An angry expression drew itself onto my face, while he hummed himself into the kitchen.

"Bella, what would like?" he called clearly knowing his cheery mood would only delve my mood deeper into the ground.

"Nothing," I mumbled. He still heard me, with his vampire hearing. Thank God, he couldn't read my mind, although then I wouldn't have minded if he could have read how angry I was.

He came back in a flash, multiple items on a silver tray. A smile was still on his face as he sat on the chair next to me. He set the tray down in front of me and motioned his hands to each one of the pieces of food that occupied it. Like I couldn't tell what it was. "We've got chocolate," he motioned towards a chocolate bar that I quickly lost interest in. He quickly took this in and moved onto the rest. "Cookies…Muffins…Oranges…Prunes?"

"Prunes?" I giggled, but then quickly tuned my mood back into irritated. "Besides I don't like any of that," I continued dismissively waving my hand over the tray.

"Not even muffins?" he chuckled waving a muffin across my face back and forth. I did my best to repel the scent of blueberries that was flying in front of my face. I couldn't let Edward do me in with a muffin.

"No," I kept my face stern as I pushed the tray away far from me. Edward's face almost looked disappointed as he placed the muffin back onto the tray and turned back to me.

His hands intertwined with mine, and started to gently rock them back and forth. "Then what would you like then, my Bella?"

"You," I answered quickly and before he could throw the topic of marriage back at me, I swiftly added, "I mean to spend time with you, not eating. Edward, really, I'm not hungry." Much to my displeasure, my stomach growled again, not helping my case.

"I'm sure you're not," laughed Edward, and his laugh almost sucked me into that portal where without even thinking I'd agree to anything he proposed, all because he _dazzled_ me. "But think about it Bella, the sooner you eat, the sooner we can go back to being alone, again." It didn't sound half bad, when he put it like that.

"I suppose," I said giving in to him and his ways. God, why did he have to have such a big of an impact on me? I ought to be immune to his brilliance by now, but I didn't think I ever would be. And in some cases that was certainly a good thing.

"So, my love, what would like for dinner?" Was it really dinner? I hadn't noticed, I suppose I was too focused on him all those hours to even notice the sun setting, not that it was ever visible. I couldn't tell him that I would just take that muffin I had so neatly refused, he'd find some way to tell me that if I had eaten it sooner…

I closed the thought out of my head and focused on what take the quickest to find, prepare, and eat. "An apple is fine," I finally answered after digging through the food that I wasn't _too_ self-conscious about eating in front of him. Although no matter what it was, knowing that he watched and was somehow fascinated about how I ate dug at me. It was just weird.

He looked at me with an incredulous etched upon his beautiful face. "No Bella, I want to make sure you're fulfilled, satisfied."

"I'm not all that satisfied," I mumbled incoherently regarding to both of our sexual lives, but with Edward he didn't miss it.

"Satisfied with your hunger, Bella," he scolded. "C'mon pick, already!" His voice was growing almost impatient. He could go with my snail pace, but heaven forbid he couldn't put up with my slowness at choosing what to eat.

"I don't know! Make me something, if you're so damn worried that I'm going to keel over from starvation!" I didn't know why my voice was growing higher and louder, or why my face was morphing into deep shades of red. He just looked at me, about to burst out laughing. "What?! What about anger is so damn funny to you?" I demanded to know. He may have been finding this funny, but I was most certainly not.

"Well you're adorable when you're angry, Bella," he replied casually.

"Argh!" I screamed in frustration throwing my hands up in the air. I pushed up from the table and walked out of the room, leaving Edward there still chuckling. As I past Emmett and Jasper, I heard Emmett say, "I swear it's all sexual frustration, for both of them."

I slumped into the couch that sat in front of the new television Carlisle had to replace, and closed my eyes. I didn't bother to fiddle with the remote, I'd find a way to break it or hurt myself in the process. Instead I listened to Edward and Emmett argue in the kitchen. Maybe I had picked up the rest of Cullen's' extreme sense of hearing. They couldn't really be loud could they?

The answer was yes. Yes, Edward and Emmett were more than capable of being that loud.

EPOV

"Er, Edward what is this?" Emmett asked as he dangled a strainer in front of my face.

I pushed it away angrily, and answered, "It's a colander, but most people call it a strainer. You use it to drain all the water out of food." Even for a vampire, he should have known that.

"Oh, well you could have just said strainer," muttered Emmett as he played around with the box of noodles. "Besides why are you cooking for Bella, anyway? Can't you just shove some food in her mouth and call it day?"

I looked at him, my jaw tight, which ought to have been enough, but with Emmett it was never enough. There were enough animals to hunt, never enough TV Channels, never enough time alone with Rosalie. I quickly I shuddered at the thought and tuned into him as he spoke on about something. "…and were did you get all this stuff anyway? I mean what was point of buying all these appliances, tools, and food if you're going to change Bella soon anyway?" _Because maybe she won't want to after all, _I thought to myself. Because there was still a chance that Bella would change her mind, one millionth of a chance.

"Because," I replied. "Now help me make this fast, I think Bella is getting anxious."

"As long as there is no raw meat, I'll be fine," answered Emmett as he happily poured the box of noodles into a pot full of boiling water.

I raised an eyebrow, and with a light chuckle answered, "Afraid of a little raw meat, are you Emmett?" I knew Emmett wouldn't take this, what with his competitive ways.

"Have you ever tried to tackle it, Edward? It's so raw, so disgusting. My God, how do humans even eat it?" He shuddered as his thoughts played it out for me. _Why can't Bella be a vegetarian? It's so gross, even on Rosalie. Like that time we tried it instead of the lotion Jasper gave us…_

I could feel my body cringe as the thought of Emmett and Rosalie covered in raw meat reeled itself into my brain. "Just go get the package from the freezer," I replied. Emmett grimaced before turning to the fridge. He pulled the fridge door open, with an even bigger look of disgust on his face as he pulled the wrapped package covered in frost out of the freezer. He threw the package at me, his face still pulled together in a grimace.

"Gross, gross, gross," he chanted over and over wiping his hands all over his shirt and pants. Jasper could see him from the doorway and I couldn't help but to peek at what he was thinking of Emmett. _It looks like he's making love to himself. _

"Oh Edward, don't feel disgusted, it's only natural for a vampire. Although I don't think you can call Emmett natural, I mean him and Rosalie are going at it every second."

"I know, I have to say that them shacking up every two seconds is more disgusting than all the raw meat in the world," I replied letting a chuckle escape as I casually stirred around the pasta sauce that reminded me of the color of Bella's face whenever she blushed.

"Just because you're a prude, doesn't make the rest of us sexual addicts," retorted Emmett who was clearly offended.

"I am not a prude!" I shouted, loud enough for all of Forks to hear. The stirring picked up, causing some of the sauce to fly out of the pan and splatter nearly everywhere on the stove.

"Alright, then is sexually repressed right, then?" Jasper piped up. And here I thought Jasper was on my team, of course he wasn't. Nobody was ever on your team when you lived with a bunch of sexually active vampires and you were the only virgin. A hundred year old one at that. Alright, a hundred and a couple of extra years.

"Face it, if you and Bella don't start baking soon, when of you is going to explode," chortled Emmett.

"Damn it, both of you! Just help me cook this damn food," I bellowed throwing the package of frozen meat at their direction. My eyes nearly flew out of their sockets as I heard a girlish squeal. I expected it to be from Rosalie, possibly even Alice, but not _Emmett. _

"Emmett?" I asked; my jaw to the floor. The spoon I was stirring with was now sinking slowly into the pan of sauce.

He composed himself, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt only to reveal his muscles, and asked, "Yeah?" Supposedly, his deep voice was supposed to help his case.

Jasper was now having a fit on the floor, grasping his stomach, struggling to breathe. I just shook my head and turned back to the mess that was soon to be in Bella's stomach. I had made sure that I didn't poison her. Or let her choke herself, only she would have the capability of doing that. Faster than lightning, or at least how Bella put it, I stirred the sauce to the death and set it down. She'd be proud of me, for that at least.

I turned to now see Jasper struggling with the package on the meat, while Emmett stood a good ten feet away. He was jabbing at it with a spatula, which to my much dismay was only denting the innocent utensil. When that didn't work, and when it was successfully snapped into two, he reached for he reached for a two foot knife. Sharp and clearly dangerous to Bella, even if she was a room away. He lifted it high and struck it, letting out a growl. "Ah!"

The whole house seemed to vibrate underneath us as he attacked the meat, like it was some sort of monster. It was dead.

He kept stabbing at it, like he was winning some sort of war with it. "Die you fool, die, die!" His scream pierced my eyes; I could only imagine Bella's. I lunged for the knife, missing it dearly, but brought Jasper down with me. I pinned him down, the knife several yards away from both of us. We were both smothered in raw meat and Emmett was right. It was repulsive. The smell and way it felt made me want to take a shower for a year.

He thrashed against me, all while going for the knife, and letting out groans of victory and defeat. I tried my best to manipulate myself into feeling clam that way it could ride over into Jasper, but it didn't work. Distracted he pushed me off and pinned me down, all while grabbing for the knife. I tried my best to knock his balance, but it didn't work. Before he could successfully grab it or I could successfully get him off of me, the door swung open. Emmett.

He stood there with an incredulous look on his face, but soon his face morphed into a smirk. "You know," he chuckled, "this really doesn't work with two males, but hey you guys can try." He turned his back to holler towards the stairs, "Rosalie, come look, Jasper and Edward are trying it our style!"

With that, I could hear Bella's heartbeat pick up and she ran to the kitchen. _Please God, don't fall,_ I thought. She, surprisingly and successfully, made it. Her face was flushed, but as soon as she saw what was before her, Jasper and I, him almost straddling me, with both of us covered in meat, only made her go redder. She bowed her head in shame and whispered, "Edward you really should have stuck to the apple.

_A/N: Well…I'm not sure if this will be an oneshot; I kind of like the idea. Anyways please review and tell me what you think!_

_There was raw meat because Edward would have made meatballs with it…_


	2. Ambiguous Games

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the brilliant Stephenie Meyer does.

Author's Note: I was really surprised at all the feedback I got from the last chapter, thanks! I couldn't just stop writing this; so here's some more of Emmett's crazy words and some frustration on Edward's part. Please review and tell me what you think.

And this may be important…despite Bella's comment about her and Edward's psychical relationship, this takes place after Eclipse, therefore it is now Edward who is the sexually frustrated one.

BPOV

After the dinner fiasco, Edward shoved me a box of cereal while he took a shower. I had to admit; even in raw meat Edward _still_ looked good. I sat upon the counter, the Cheerios box settled into my lap. At random intervals I'd pop one of them into my mouth, intently listening to Jasper and Emmett on the other side of the kitchen. They must have forgotten I was in the room; they'd disregarded their vampire hearing.

"…and he calls me immature," vented Emmett keeping his safe distance from Jasper, who much to everyone else's dismay was still covered in raw meat. He had used the excuse that he just wanted to Alice to see, and that he would take a shower right after she got back from another shopping excursion. I didn't need Alice's sense of the future or Edward's mind reading ability to know that Jasper was hoping to turn her on. I quickly shuddered and stuffed a handful into my mouth to keep myself from saying something stupid.

"Yeah, and then he attacks me. Bella was in the next room, it's not like I would have killed her being twenty feet away. He should be tackling Bella, not me. Perhaps if we smother her in raw meat…" Jasper trailed off and instantly set his eyes on me, with a smirk painted across his face. Emmett soon followed in his actions, only his smirk seemed a billion times bigger.

They strode over, too slow for a vampire, probably to prolong the humiliation I was about to endure. Emmett leaned against the counter to one side, Jasper the other. I looked down at the both of them, and I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I didn't need a mirror or Edward telling me how red I was. "Bella," chimed Jasper, his fingers dancing around in the air.

The box of cereal slipped from hands, and fell upon the floor, scattering Cheerios everywhere. That was the least of my worries. I could feel the lump in my throat grow considerably larger, and I did my best to swallow as I awaited one of their ideas. "Well Bella you were trying to come onto him before, weren't you?" chuckled Jasper. What? How did he know? Of course Edward didn't tell, it had been awkward enough for us both.

Alice.

"Well what did you expect from us, Bella? We were bored and we had Alice, and well…damn it Carlisle had Monopoly with him!" Emmett was blubbering almost incoherently, as if he was scared of my reaction. I made a mental note of his worries: raw meat and angry humans.

My face pulled itself into a grimace, and I whispered, loud enough for only vampires to hear, "How much did you see?" I tucked my face down, in complete shame as I felt my face delve into a deeper shade of red.

Jasper laughed at my obvious embarrassment and continued on like it was just a harmless joke. "'Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?'" His voice imitated Edward's so perfectly, that I started to wonder why he wasn't down here stopping them, he was capable of hearing. My embarrassment switched over into anger. Damn it, I knew he could hear, and a part of me felt as though he was probably laughing.

Angered, I jumped down from the counter, not minding to the mess that I was creating by stomping around on the cereal. Jasper and Emmett were soon at my side, still snickering like their life depended on it. I elbowed them both, only hurting myself, as I turned into the living room. Before I could make it to the stairs, Jasper stood in front of me, still smiling. "C'mon, Bella, please," he pleaded. He was the male version of Alice, only instead of begging to make me over; he was groveling to cover me in raw meat just so it could turn Edward on.

The thought only made me angrier as I tried to step around him. He blocked me, and Emmett soon piped up, "C'mon Bella it will be fun, trust me."

"Coming from the guy who squeals around raw meat," I retorted. That ought to do him in.

"Why not, Bella?" asked Jasper in all seriousness. Did he honestly need an explanation as to why I found it nauseating to covering myself in raw meat just so it would somehow entertain Edward?

I shook my head quickly, almost digging myself into a hole of dizziness in the process. I quickly regained composure and prepared myself to answer. This was going to be a bit difficult. "Because I…I think it's just gross and besides we," I could feel my face reddening by the second, my voice cracking into an inaudible whisper, "we've decided to wait." I buried my face into my hands, awaiting their roaring laughter.

"Oh," Jasper quietly commented, obviously overridden with the emotion I was sending off. Complete and utter embarrassment.

I suppose I expected in some unfathomable way that Emmett would cool it, or not push anymore of the subject that was gently tearing away at my little confidence. But that would most certainly not be Emmett. He fixed his posture –how was his posture going to distract me from whatever ungentlemanly thing that was going to trail from his mouth? – and started, "Well he's been devising ways to make you crack." A smile spread across his face, as though he had some hand in these plans.

No, that wasn't like Edward; he wouldn't push me to do something I wasn't comfortable with. But Emmett would, he most definitely would. "No, he hasn't," interjected Jasper quickly, trying to ease my worry. "But Emmett has been, and he's proposing them to Edward. It's like a game to him." Jasper's face painted obvious distaste.

"Well I'm sorry if I can't find anything to do. I mean after Rosalie took away that Mr. Potato head, well I've been a bit depressed about it." Emmett explained deeply as though we were in a therapy session. I wanted more than anything to run from the room, without falling, but that part of me kept itching to know why exactly she had taken it away. It was just a harmless toy, or so I had thought.

"Why?" I murmured, sure he could hear me.

"Well," Emmett began exasperated, like it was a huge story, "Rosalie and I were, well you know, we were doing what you and Edward are not." A smile spread across his face. "And well, I guess I sort of thought she'd enjoy it, if we had a stuffed potato with us."

My face twisted into horror, a stuffed potato, Rosalie and Emmett? Jasper obviously picked up on my emotions and started to laugh. "What?" I demanded.

"You have no idea how repulsed you are," he chuckled before exiting the room. I glared after him, before switching my attention back to Emmett who was now lounging on the first few steps.

I took a few steps, taking a cautious pace – I didn't need him laughing at me-, and slowly walked up the stairs. The conversation that took only a few moments ago washed itself from my mind, making clear space to find Edward and demand why in the hell he didn't stop them, or why he didn't come to get me. _Like always he did. _

The floorboards creaked a bit underneath, and I knew Edward could tell I was near. Beside that he would have heard my heartbeat, caught my scent, or read Emmett's thoughts of laughing his ass of at me. But absolutely no sign of Edward aroused anywhere. I walked a bit faster, disregarding the fact I was susceptible to falling. Damn it, why wasn't he coming. "Edward," I mumbled, knowing he'd hear me.

And before I could scream louder and perhaps fake some pain, his door creaked open. Nothing came from the door, him or anything else. Well what else was there? I heard his melodic voice carry from his room, and into the halls. "Come in, Bella." I made my way to the door, and pushed it open, not paying much attention to the surroundings. I expected him to be lounging on his bed, ready to come in his arms.

But no, Edward had to make things a billion times worse. White and red candles, a mixture of different floral scents, filtered through the room. Red rose petals scattered throughout the floor. It was so clichéd, I felt as though I'd rather be downstairs having the same conversation with Emmett and Jasper, again. Before I could focus my eyes on finding him, his hand was intertwined with mine, as he came up from behind me.

He smiled my favorite crooked smile, as he led me over to the bed. I couldn't object, the way his hand felt on mine and the scent that blanketed around me was just too much. As much as I wanted to stop it, I couldn't. I found myself in his arms in a matter of second, the back of his thumb caressing my cheek. I smiled, and locked my arms around his waist. He sighed, heavily, and crushed his lips against mine.

And then I knew I was screwed. His sweet breath ran wildly in my mouth, and I wanted to savor every bit of taste that it held. His hands secured themselves onto my face, and prior to trying to stop him, he hovered over me, making sure I could feel absolutely none of his weight.

His hands lowered, gliding across my neck, and subtly touched the buttons of my shirt. He got one undone before a loud smashing came from the door.

Alice stood there, a mortified look drawn upon her face. "Edward Anthony Cullen, what are you doing?!" Her voice screeched throughout the house. Edward immediately looked up, and if he could, he'd be redder than me. I hastily buttoned up the one he had managed to get through. She had a pink shopping back dangling from her left arm, and she quickly pulled out a box with bright colors and lettering. I couldn't quite make it out, until Edward whispered.

"Monopoly," he whispered, in shock.

"Yes, I was afraid we'd need it," her face focused on me as she continued, "and look at you, taking advantage of Bella!"

Edward flopped back down beside me, sending vibrations throughout the bed. I sat up, along with Edward. In an irritated voice, he spoke, "At least it's not Mr. Potato Head."

_A/N: I'm not going to lie, I kind of rushed throughout it. I hope it's halfway decent, and humorous. If it's that bad I'll take it down, but yeah. Please review and tell me what you think!!_


	3. Monopoly Woes

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's Note: Sorry about not updating in a long time, I promise that won't happen again. I hope I didn't corrupt your ideas of Mr. Potato Head or Monopoly! Ha, well enjoy. Please excuse any errors of the game, as I have not played in _long _time and I couldn't find the game anywhere around my house.

BPOV

As we all sat around the coffee table, the Monopoly board and the pieces strewn across it, I could almost feel like at any moment one of them, the Cullens, could snap. Edward sat beside me on the couch, one of his hands intertwined with mine, the other one holding a chance card tightly as he reread it intently for what seemed the billionth time. He couldn't come to grips with the fact he had been sent to jail, his piece nearly fourteen squares _away_ from mine.

Emmett and Rosalie sat across from us, on the ground. Rosalie seemed quite displeased, not only regarding the fact that we were in the same room, but that she had to sit on the ground and not me. I had insisted, but Edward had delved into some deep discussion how about it was bad for my back. What a bunch of a bull. Alice had decided to sit out, as her abilities were a bit of an advantage to her, but she sat behind Jasper on a chair. Maybe it was just me, or was she whispering things into his ear?

Emmett was wildly shaking his fist, which trapped the fifth pair of dice in them. He had some difficulties with not breaking the last few pairs. I leaned into Edward, not wanting my head to fall off due to his hand which was more like a cannonball. He opened his hand, and to my surprise, they actually weren't broken, maybe a little chipped. He breathed in heavily, making a noticeable gust of air around us, and threw the dice across the board. Or at least he tried.

The dice came at a whirling speed…towards me. And before I could react, or even fathom as to what to do, Edward flung himself in front of me, holding a protective stance. It reminded me all too much of what happened at my last birthday.

I quickly flung the memory from my brain, and tried to refocus on what was happening. Jasper and Alice seemed to be in their own bubble, her sitting on his lap tousling his blond hair around. Rosalie had left the room, probably not wanting to hear Edward's rants about my safety.

After a few quiet moments, Edward quietly sat back down, next to me and took my hand back into his. He leaned in and quickly whispered, "I'm sorry that Emmett is a moronic idiot." It didn't matter much that he was whispering, as Emmett could pick up everything he was saying.

From the corner of my eye, I peered across the table at Emmett. His fists were shaking, knuckle whites, as though it was taking all he had to not jump up and have a fit. It reminded me all too much of werewolves phasing, but I quickly knocked that out of my brain and tried to focus on what he was doing. I turned my head, Edward instantly doing the same, and found that his hands were crushing the pieces. Anything that could be broken was.

"Emmett," Edward sighed as though he had seen this all before, "what are you doing?"

Emmett looked up, and if he could, he'd be red with rage. "What?!" he practically bellowed, his voice petulant.

"What are doing?" I almost whispered, my voice quivering with what seemed like uneasiness.

"What does it look like I'm doing?! Thanks to Edward, we can't play anymore!" Emmett looked more like a child throwing a tantrum than anything. I raised an eyebrow waiting for him to say more. "I mean, it's not like I meant the dice to go flying at her!"

"Emmett," Edward's voice was unnaturally calm; I gripped onto his hand tighter, "the dice are right there." He pointed with his free hand to the dice on the left corner of the table.

He pounded his fist on the table, breaking not only the dice but the table as well, and continued with his rant, "But you ruined my momentum! I was in the zone!"

"How can you be in the zone when you are playing Monopoly?" Jasper piped up finally interested in what was happening. I rolled my eyes and settled into Edward's shoulder, ready to only hear another round of the two go at it.

"It's the same zone, when you are…you now," Emmett replied with a sheepish grin across his face.

"Oh yes _that _zone," chuckled Jasper. "Not that Edward know."

I could feel Edward's body go rigid from underneath mine, and instantly I knew that he was ready to snap. "Of course, you can't expect to Edward to know about that stuff, the untechnicals, if you will." Emmett settled into the nearest chair, kicked his feet up, and started to thoroughly enjoy himself. "He's too much of a prude to function. You wouldn't even think that he was a man, the way he is."

"Just because my mind doesn't flash to that particular subject every twenty, no for you it's ten, seconds doesn't mean I'm a prude. And also just because I have good morals doesn't mean I'm not as much of man as you two are!" His tone was growing thin with impatience and almost embarrassment, as if our limited experience together was something to be ashamed of.

"Does Bella tell how much of a man you are, Edward?" teased Jasper.

I could feel my face delving into a deep shade of red as they spoke. It was getting redder by the second and every comment only caused the color to fluctuate more. "You think spending every night at Bella's house would change it somehow, but no Edward believes in _waiting._" Emmett roared.

Ungracefully, Edward pushed me off of him and stood up. His fists were clenched against his sides, his knuckles so white they could easily match my skin tone. "I'm not a prude," he said through his gritted teeth. I flinched back, almost afraid of him.

"Yes you are," chirped Alice.

I looked at her my eyes wide, and here I thought it was only the guys who had taunted him about that. "Remember that time you caught Rose and I on your piano, your car? You nearly had a heart attack!"

"That's because you were on my car and piano! It's disgusting, the way you two go at it, it's like you're competing for a damn prize!" Edward's fists were shaking harder now, like he was only seconds away from throwing a punch.

"Edward, it really shouldn't have been a big deal. You could have left the area," reminded Jasper. Perhaps he was feeding Edward's anger with his emotional abilities, because Edward's voice grew so big I was afraid all of Forks would hear him.

"Could have left the area?! It's my piano, and my damn car! If a piano excites you so much, then go out and buy one!"

"See this is what happens when you live in a house full of sexually active couples and are more than a hundred year old virgin. Really Edward, it's not healthy to keep it pent up. You need to release," Emmett snickered.

"I don't think Edward's been releasing much of anything lately," laughed Jasper.

"Shut up both of you!" Edward roared.

"I thought that when you were smothered in meat and Jasper was on top of you, well I thought you'd imagine Bella was on you instead. Too bad that didn't turn you on, what does Edward?"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Edward was spitting through his teeth.

"Is that it? What, do you chant shut up when you're laying beside Bella? Maybe you don't need Jasper to make you lusty," Emmett mused, as though he was deep in thought.

I could sense my face was deepening into deeper shades of red without the need of a mirror. Edward didn't look back at me, but kept his eyes focused, as if he was positioning himself towards some sort of invisible target. "Probably, you should have seen how he was feeling when he and Bella were alone in his room last night, my God, it was almost unbearable, what with Alice being gone," laughed Jasper.

"Maybe he just covers up that with his prudishness. Say, Edward, have you ever seen Bella, you know more than see?" Emmett was having a field day.

"Damn you two!" Edward roared. I looked up at him puzzled. Why didn't he just leave the room? Why didn't he just take me? I didn't know how much more of this I could take.

"Maybe he looks through her drawers when she is sleeping," suggested Jasper.

"Or remember when Alice had to help her shower? Well who's to say Alice didn't have a vision of it, and maybe Edward snuck a peek through her mind?" Emmett was clearly pleased with himself, as if he had just found the cure for cancer. He was basking in the glory of his words.

"That it's!" And with that, I watched as Edward leaped forward towards Emmett, knocking him from his comfortable position on the chair. My body involuntary went rigid, my legs held the feeling jelly. I would have broken them up, perhaps even tried, if they weren't nearly a billion times heavier than me. Plus it looked as though Edward needed something to release, some sort of pent up anger.

Emmett didn't seem to be affected as Edward was flung on top of him, punching and slapping every part he could get at. "I think you'd have much more fun if I were Bella, instead. I can go get some meat, if you want," he suggested as he neatly dodged every blow Edward had attempted.

"Shut up!"

"Oh look, Emmett, I think it's you that's turning him on!" Jasper was on the floor surrounded in a fit of laughter that could be heard miles, countries even, away.

Edward turned his head, and for once he looked like a vampire. A vampire ready to tear anything he could find into a million, probably billions, of pieces. He jumped onto Jasper, and started clobbering any part he could. In uneven gasps, Jasper spoke out, "You better watch out, you're making Bella jealous."

Was there a point in which a human can't go any redder? Apparently not in my case as I watched Edward attack the two. Half of his body was throwing punches at Emmett while the other gorgeous half was clawing at Jasper. Before I could disappear, throwing in a lame excuse about being hungry or just flatly embarrassed, Rosalie strode into the room, her blonde hair cascading behind her.

"Honestly, every time we play this game, not one of you can go ten whole minutes without grabbing at each other," she sighed.

_A/N: Hopefully that wasn't too bad, I sort of rushed. Anyways I was wondering what your thoughts on the selection for Edward was? Personally I'm disappointed, very disappointed. Edward is supposed to be drop dead, make your heart have seizures every three seconds, type, and this guy isn't even cute, to me. His name is Robert Pattinson tell me what you think! And oh review!_


	4. Instruction Manuals

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's Note: There will probably only be a few more chapters, heads up, but any suggestions as to what you would like to see happen are welcome. Enjoy and review! This is a bit long…

BPOV

I was aware, and if he was aware of my awareness, I was unsure, but I was aware of his deep embarrassment. We were lying on his bed; the setting only enhanced the awkwardness of the situation. His arms were cautiously twined around my rigid body, something that was happening involuntary, and they weren't too tight or too loose. Perhaps he thought somehow the pressure of his arms on me would somehow calculate some sort of emotion. Honestly…

I tried to push that far, far, from my mind as I nestled myself into his chest, letting the coldness of his body wrap a blanket around me. He seemed just as eager, if not more, to be as close as we could both manage to me. I knew Emmett and Jasper wouldn't let up on his brother until he was no longer "innocent".

I chuckled lightly at the thought, and he didn't even notice. He was probably swimming through a sea of thoughts in his own mind, most of which I was afraid to even think about. I wondered aimlessly if they had done that to him in the past, taunt him about his lack of experience. Of course Edward wouldn't tell me, he'd either be too far embarrassed or just wanted to save me from the embarrassment of knowing our lack of a physical relationship was a regular topic throughout the Cullen household.

I glanced over at the calendar that sat on Edward's nightstand. All the days up to the present date were crossed out in angry red x's. Most of them were sloppy, tracing over into the margin and into the following days. It was quite obvious that Edward was eager for August thirteenth, as was I. I couldn't help the jumble that tossed in my stomach every time I thought about it, but overall, in plain words, I was happy, more as thrilled to be able to call myself Mrs. Cullen.

Noticing my observations among his room, Edward lifted my face towards his with a few fingers. A crooked smile was set upon his face, melting my insides. "What are you thinking?" he murmured, his scent slapping me across the face. And still he had no idea of the effect he had on me, his dazzling ways.

"About a lot of things," I replied, not fully paying attention.

"Like," he urged, hesitant, probably afraid that my thoughts were still set on what happened downstairs.

"I don't know, really. The wedding, your brothers, the numbers of hours I'll have to endure while your sister uses me as her guinea pig Barbie," I murmured.

"Oh," he answered his voice small.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked; my voice ridiculously on the verge of cracking at any moment. I wanted to know; rather I had a right to know, as it was about me, too. And although Edward would be mortified and no matter how he'd use his dazzling powers to distract me, I wouldn't give in.

"Yes?" he gulped. Say, was Edward actually nervous?

"How many times has it happened before?"

"How many times had what happened before?" He was obviously playing the innocent card, and he was marking sure that his golden eyes were in my face, mixed with scent, everything that could morph my decision into anything he pleased.

"You know what," I scolded, "how many times have they…made fun of you?" My stomach was now performing several jumping jacks, every moment made me want to run far, far from any more embarrassment, but my mind was begging, practically groveling, to know.

"I don't know."

"Edward, tell me," I replied, my voice as stern as I was capable of.

"Bella, please, it will save us both a load of embarrassment," he pleaded.

"No," I shook my head, stubbornly, "I want to know. It's about me, too, you know."

"Bella," he begged, and just the way he said my name made me want to comply with him. Just as bad as I wanted disregard the whole subject and cuddle into his arms, I wanted to know, and for once I was sure my stubbornness would help.

"Edward, please for me, tell me," I pouted jutting out my lower lip.

"Oh dear God, Bella," he shook his head, and slowly, hesitantly, he spoke, "You asked for it." I nodded my head in agreement, waiting for his answer. "Not a lot."

"What do you mean by 'a lot'?"

"I mean, they've lowered it to twice a week, and it's usually when I'm not with you, which is hardly ever. So, really, it doesn't matter. I usually block them out by thinking of waiting to get back to you," he explained brushing his fingers along my cheek.

"So the whole family is on it? I mean, why the hell is this subject, which should only be between you and I, is so damn entertaining to the whole family?!" My voice was more outraged, than embarrassed, although my face was burning a deep red, and I knew the whole family could hear.

"Not the whole family," he whispered, "Carlisle and Esme believe its taboo to talk about other's…relationships."

"Oh, but the rest of the family can strike up that conversation every Friday night to entertain themselves?!" My anger was weak, and even I couldn't convince myself that I was angered.

"Actually, Friday night is reserved for something else," he chuckled.

"Argh!" I screamed in frustration trying to disengage myself from his arms. He wouldn't let me go, like he was afraid I'd hurt myself somehow, which was probably true. A physical tirade that erupted from me would only hurt me in the end. "Edward, let me go," I tried to squirm, even an inch, but his hold was unbreakable.

"Bella," he cooed my name in hopes to calm me down, but I wasn't go to let it go. Perhaps, Jasper was only fueling my anger, which on this account, wasn't necessarily a bad thing. After realizing he was losing badly, he started to hum my lullaby, which in my book was hitting below the belt. He knew it would instantly calm me down, and make me forget any bad things I wanted to do.

"Edward," I mumbled, as I fell into unconsciousness. I glanced over at the window; dusk was penetrating through the sky. I popped my eyes open, fighting to keep my lids open. It was only Saturday, and Charlie wasn't going to be back until Monday, from another fishing trip –did he ever get tired of those?-, therefore I'd be trapped in this hell for another two days. It wasn't the hell, the house or the people, but perhaps what those people did.

I gave up, and a part of me was prepared for it. I nestled into Edward as much as I could, and shut my eyes. The more I slept, the less I would have to put up with any more of the Cullens' conversations. His arms tightened a bit, a bit uncomfortable at that, but I didn't want to tell him. It was probably just because he was afraid I'd try and leave.

As I felt my last bit of consciousness slip away, the door creaked open, but I tried to ignore that. I figured it was Esme or Carlisle, just checking on Edward. Yeah, that had to be it, I comprehended, but as soon as I heard the voice, I groaned. "Go away," I mumbled, incoherently.

"It's only seven o'clock, you can't be sleeping now!" Her voice was high, full of excitement and energy, which was everything I was lacking. "I bought something for you, and I want you to try it on, you know to see if it fits and if you like it." I peeked my eyes open a bit, only to find a pink shopping bag dangling from her wrist.

"Like you don't already know," I muttered, not wanting to disrupt Edward's and I position at all.

She threw the bag at us, more so at Edward, and replied, "Bella, you're trying it on! It was on sale, so I didn't spend that much on it, and it wouldn't kill you to have at least one dress in your wardrobe! I'll be back in ten minutes to see it," a brief pause filtered through the air, before she finally amended, "in person, not my mind, I mean."

She danced out of the room, flipping the lights on before she left completely. "Edward, please don't make me try that on," I moaned.

"I won't, but Alice will, trust me." He was probably reading her thoughts, which from what I could guess were hideous ways to force me into that dress.

"Ergh," I mumbled before snatching the bag from his hand and jumping down from the bed, "can I get changed in your closet?" Going out into the hallway for the bathroom would only entice Alice to come earlier.

"Certainly," he replied motioning with his hands to the door at the far left of his room.

EPOV

I waited, patiently, on the bed, my hands folded underneath my head. I had to admit, that although was only several feet away, I still longed to hold her in my arms. If only she had fallen asleep two seconds earlier, although even with Alice's power, I would have bet that she'd find a way to force her into that dress.

It seemed unfathomable, as to why Alice would make Bella try on that dress. She already knew if it would fit her and if she would like it, but Alice had worked her hardest to keep me out of her mind. Who knew someone small could know the entire Korean alphabet?

I could hear Bella fidgeting around with the dress, slowly taking it out from the bag. I heard her heavy sighs of frustration, which even I found adorable. Bella's self-consciousness never ceased to perplex me. How someone so beautiful, like her, could doubt the way she looked, was a problem that I'd never find the answer to her. Although her self-consciousness did have some perks, like her constant blushing.

A loud clunk vibrated from the closet door, and part of me wondered if I should go help her, but unless she asked to me I'd stay out. Seeing her not fully clothed, wouldn't help our case to want to wait. I focused my attention to the calendar that sat on the table next to me, as I heard her zipping the dress, and more sighs of frustration and self doubt.

Even though the wedding was a month away, it seemed like an eternity, no pun intended. "Edward?" she whispered, aware I could hear her. Maybe she'd want an opinion, but knowing Alice, she should be at the door.

"Yes?" I called back.

"Er…I need your help," she mumbled, and even though I couldn't see her or feel her, I knew she was blushing.

I eased off the bed and to the closet door, not opening it, but waiting for what exactly kind of help she needed. "With what?"

"The zipper," her voice was barely audible.

"I'll…I'll get Alice to help you," I quickly replied, nervousness washing over me.

"No!" she practically screamed, "I mean please just save me the embarrassment, you won't see anything, I promise."

"Uh," I stammered, "alright." I knew Bella was more uneasy about showing her body to me, than I was about showing mine to her, so I knew she wouldn't, or she'd try her best, not to let me see anything. I turned the knob at unnecessary slowness, and found her in the center on the closet. She looked so desirable just standing there, it took everything I had not to tackle her and kiss her until she melted.

She looked up at me, her face flushed, "Edward…I'm sorry, it's just the zipper got stuck."

"It's alright," I consoled her, gathering her into my arms. She was dressed in a dark blue cocktail dress, and with her brown hair cascading over her shoulders. This lust was much stronger than the blood lust I used to have for her. "So, what exactly do you need help with?"

"Um," her voice was uneasy, "can you just unzip the dress, and then I'll take it from there?" Her back was now to me, and I observed that the dress's zipper ceased at the lower back. I took a deep breath and placed my hand on the zipper. I felt her shiver beneath me, but she quickly said, "Just get it over with."

"Alright, okay," I mumbled. I pulled the zipper slowly; afraid I'd break the dress, although I was sure Bella wouldn't mind. She'd find any way to get out of wearing a dress. The zipper complied with me, until –did hell have it out for me? - it got stuck at a certain area. I could feel her face delve into several shades of red, as she comprehended what had happened.

"Oh God," I heard say in deep mortification.

"Um, Bella, it's alright, should I go get, uh, Alice?" I found myself stumbling over words, which was rare, so unfamiliar.

"No! That would just make it worse…what happened to the zipper?"

"It got stuck on your…" I couldn't bring myself to say the word, although I'd never found anyone claiming it to be a dirty one.

"On my what, Edward?" she asked, truly not knowing. I didn't want to say it, I really didn't.

"Bra," I spluttered. I could hear Emmett's and Jasper's roaring laughter from downstairs, mixed in with Rosalie's and Alice's giggles.

"Well, hurry; fix it, before they all come up here!" I heard her demand in frustration.

"Fix it? How, I mean, I don't know, I've never worn a bra," my tongue rolled over the word, making it sound slurred, "and I don't know how they work!"

"They don't come with instruction manuals!"

"Well, then what am I suppose to do?!"

"Unhook the zipper from where it got stuck," she replied, her voice rushing me. They really should come with instruction manuals.

I wasn't going to admit it out loud to her, but I was certainly afraid to touch it. What if I hurt her in the process? I tried to shake that from my thoughts, it's not like it was a bomb that was going to blow her up if I did it wrong. Was there even a right way? "What are you doing?" Her voice was growing thin with impatience.

"Bella, I'm afraid-"

"Afraid?!" Now she was roaring just like Emmett, which didn't help my case. "Are you, Edward Cullen, afraid of a bra?"

"I…I…" I stuttered.

"Just pull the zipper from where it is stuck!"

"I…what if I break it?"

"Edward, you won't break it," she tried to console me, but it wasn't working. Damn it, why couldn't I get Alice?! My hand pulled at the zipper, tugging it up and down, trying to fish it from wherever it was stuck. I did my best not to actually look at where I was pulling it from, but it was so hard, so hard not to look.

I could feel the zipper loosening from the fabric, and I decided to pull hard, maybe a bit too hard. I forgot for a moment, of my strength, but it was instantly brought back to my attention, as I heard her shriek, "Edward!" I look down at what I had down, and now I was just as mortified as her. _I had broken it. _

She was holding the dress up, to cover herself, as she turned to me. "What…what did you do?!"

"I don't know…" I stammered, I honestly didn't, "I just pulled it, and it…it broke."

"How? I mean, Edward, damn it, I liked that one!"

"Well, you know they should come with instruction manuals! Who knew a piece of clothing could be so hard to untangle?"

"It's not that hard," she commented. I tried to pull her in my arms, and even though she was only second from losing her only piece of clothing, knowing Bella, she'd let it slip, she was complying. But before I could gather her, basking in her warmth, a loud cackle erupted from the doorway of the closet, several actually.

"Maybe our talk did help you, Edward," laughed Jasper.

"Were you yelling shut up a few minutes ago, or is your new thing, 'A bra should come with an instruction manual'?" Emmett was having a fit of laughter that nobody could stop.

"Perhaps, you've gotten it wrong, though. You're supposed to take off the top layers first."

"Would you like some demonstrations, perhaps a diagram?" suggested Emmett, keeping a straight face.

"If I had known you two would like this dress so much, I would have bought a lot more!" chirped Alice. I looked back at Bella, only to find her all shades of red known to man.

"Maybe we should leave the two of them alone, and let Edward help her get the dress back 'on'," Emmett winked before exiting the room, leaving a trail of laughter behind.

_A/N: I hope that was alright…it wasn't quite M, but definitely a rating of T. Anyways I hope there was some humor in that, I kind of flopped through it. I hope they're not too out of character, anyways review and tell me what you think!_


	5. Jackpot

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's Note: Enjoy and review!

EPOV

They all had left, but what did that help? Bella had scattered into a corner of my closet, clutching onto her dress, her face redder than it had ever been. Her heart was raging inside of her chest, even more so than it usually did when we usually kissed, which was saying a lot. "Bella," I sighed trying to follow her heartbeat and her scent, trails so potent, I could find her with my eyes closed.

"No, Edward, please," she whimpered, her voice weak and full of utter mortification. Without even looking at her, I knew her face had probably delved into deeper shades of crimson, all of which clearly displayed her utter embarrassment. But as I dug through my mind to find what I should do, or rather, what would help the situation, I couldn't think of anything. Everyone had already seen, known, and the only thing that would really help would be to run from the house, with her, and run far, very far.

I tiptoed, or attempted to, at the least, to where she was, in the corner of the closet. I found her in one of my white dress shirts, the buttons buttoned, and the dress in her hands. Her eyes were wide, not with wonder or curiosity, but with confusion, and sheer embarrassment. The dress was dangling loose from her fingers, as if she didn't care whether it tore or it got dirty, and part of me, a rather dominant part, had the strong urge to burn it into pieces. "Bella," I said quietly, not wanting to make any sudden movements. My sudden movements before had only tarnished the already horrible day.

"Edward, please, take me home," she whispered, her face still glowing red.

"Alice told Charlie that you'd be spending the weekend here, with us. What would he think if you were home alone?" I didn't need to read Charlie's mind to know that he'd have some sort of burst of excitement if that were to happen. He'd come to the conclusion that Bella was done with us, Cullens, but that was the complete opposite.

"I don't care; I'd rather go through some sort of inquisition with Charlie, than have to face your family."

I encircled her into my arms, pressing her to my chest, and my face to her hair –her shampoo was enough to drive anyone crazy, even a human- and found that I rather liked how she felt, looked in my shirt. In some unfathomable, probably some male-human-teenager sort of a way, it thrilled me. She didn't seem to notice, it would only embarrass us both if she did, but clung onto me with every bit of energy she had.

"Will you at least take me home, so I can get a new pair of clothes?" Her voice held high eagerness.

I raised an eyebrow before replying, "What's wrong with the clothes you were wearing? And didn't you pack other ones too?" I hadn't even thought about Bella's duffel bag, it wasn't something I paid attention to, but wasn't it the normal thing to do to bring clothes to wear for each day?

"I was hoping that somehow you'd end up taking me home, instead," she grinned sheepishly, "and besides I think Emmett took those on his way out." I whipped my head around, to where we were standing only minutes ago, where her clothes _were_ lying on the floor. I listened intently for a moment, into Emmett's head:_ Sorry, brother, but how else would I have gotten you two to pick up the pace?!_ My arms tightened around her, and I was rather close to crushing her delicate frame.

"Alice won't give you any," I sighed, after reading her thoughts, too, supposedly she was in the race or pool Emmett and Jasper had created. I didn't have to read Rosalie's thoughts to know her answer, and I didn't want to bother Bella with that either. I pulled away, and said, quietly, solemnly, "Here, I'll get you some pants, and then I'll take you home."

"Uh," she stuttered, her voice was unsteady, "I don't think they will fit me, I mean, won't them being too big only, well, tempt Emmett?"

"I won't let Emmett touch you," I promised, my voice genuine and sincere. If Emmett even had a flicker about a thought of causing Bella more embarrassment, I'd hamstring him. I strode over to the dresser that sat on the right side of the wall, across from the clothes hanging from hangers. It was some sort of dark wood, piled with a few papers, mostly sheet music, but most importantly, the box that Bella's ring was in sat there, holding an importance above them all. Bella, timid but eager, followed quietly behind me, brushing against me, driving my thoughts into circles.

I pulled open one of the drawers, no creaking or sounds erupted from it like most dressers would. Besides clothes, and other female type items that Alice liked to buy, she had a knack for furniture. Bella smiled, looking at the neat piles of pants that filled the drawer, all color-coded. "You…color-code your pants?" she giggled, sending her scent throughout the air, strong and irresistible.

"Alice does," I mumbled, knowing that if I could I'd be red. I'd never lived, or read upon, a time period where it was customary to have your sister color-code your laundry. Maybe your mother, but definitely not your shopping addict of a sister.

Her laughs became a bit louder, and more amused, but she quickly quieted herself down. She rubbed my arm, perhaps to tell me that she really didn't mean to laugh, but I know she did. I shuffled through the pants, trying to find any pair that Bella could wear. Being a vampire and not growing, they were all one size, nothing too big or too small, but simply all the same size.

I grabbed a pair of dark jeans, and pulled them from the drawer, before shutting it again. They unfolded as I held them in front of me, displaying them to Bella. She grinned before snatching them. "What size are you anyway?" she inquired slipping into them.

My eyes were locked onto her, and despite my incredible strength, I couldn't tear them away. Nobody could wear my clothes better than her. "I'm not sure…I…Alice buys my clothes," I mumbled. I had always known, and felt Bella revive the human in me. But right now, the human side of me, the male human side couldn't get myself to concentrate on anything but Bella and how she looked in my clothes, how it brought whole new buckets of intense emotions that I was sure Jasper could pick up on. He ought to be finding Alice about now…

"Alice…buys your clothes?" she giggled, only strengthening the emotions I was feeling.

"Well, she buys some of yours too, right?" I defended myself; I had to, just a little bit.

"That's different, we're both girls, it's some sort of girl thing, I suppose, but when your sister buys and color-codes your clothes when you're a guy, well, that's different," she continued on giggling.

"I tell you what's different," I answered, trying to act normal, calm, making sure she wouldn't expect it. I took the same stance I had taken a few other times I did this to her, and immediately she knew what I was planning on doing.

"Edward, you wouldn't," her voice was stern, as she kept her eyes away from mine. Supposedly, I dazzled her and right now I was ready to unload all the dazzling skills I held. "Not with what I'm wearing."

"I think I would," I growled, inching closer. She backed away, the cuffs of my pants gliding across the floor. Her face was slowly, but surely, flushing into a delicate pink. Bella was like a box of paints, all of which were red, but they all gradually morphed into a different shade. Bella was my personal paint.

I tried to shake that from my mind and as I leaped into the air. I had walked close enough to her that we were both back in my room, and as I lunged towards her, knocking her onto the bed, she was gasping for air, and struggling against me. We fell onto the bed, her face redder, but oddly striking a smile, one of the many things about her that was so irresistible. "Edward," she gasped, trying to push me off, "what are you doing?"

"I'm showing you that it's alright for your sister to buy and color-code your clothes," I chuckled in her ear, watching as she shivered from my icy breath.

She grinned, before answering, "Alright, I suppose you're right." Her breaths were slowly evening out, trying to regain a normal pattern. Her face dwindled down back into its normal pale shade. Her grin stretched the whole diameter of her face as she closed the space between us with her warm lips.

I relished her kiss, everything she did was amazing. I secured my hands around her waist, pulling her as close as possible, not wanting an inch, not even a centimeter between us. She seemed just as enthusiastic, locking her arms around my neck. Before anything further could ensue, before she could scold me and insist on waiting until we were married, the door crashed open.

Emmett stumbled in, a wicked smile plastered across his face, his thoughts much too dirty. "I told you this would work, Jasper! You owe me fifty bucks!" He shouted towards the hallway in a loud unnecessary tone, he knew all too well that Jasper could hear him even if he didn't scream. He turned his face back to us, and chortled, "Is…is Bella wearing your clothes? Say, Edward is this a new fetish?"

Bella quickly readjusted herself so she was now lying beside me instead of underneath me. Her face was redder than it had ever been, all shades of pink and red smothered onto her features. "Emmett," I growled, feeling a new desire bubbling in my chest, one that would leave Bella terrified. I stood up, pulling a red Bella along and pushed beside him and into the hallway.

"Wait," he called after, "where are you guys going, anyway?"

Bella groaned, burying her face into her hands. "Emmett, please. What have I ever done to _you_?" she pleaded, her voice edging towards desperation.

"That's just it! You're going to be my sister soon, and I think we should bond, and well Edward is too much of a prude to let that happen," babbled Emmett in almost anger, as if bonding was such an important piece of the puzzle of Bella becoming part of the family.

"What _exactly _do you mean by bonding?" Bella asked, nervousness racking throughout her fragile being, obviously taking his words the wrong way.

"Not that way!" He quickly amended, but his smile was considerably larger.

"I don't have time for this, Emmett, I need to get Bella home," I spat, a low grumbling noise building deep in my chest. Bella grasped her hand tighter around mine, causing warmth to crawl every inch of where we touched. I gently tugged her along; I didn't need her to have any more broken bones, and inched towards the stairs. With her safely in my reach, I swept her up into my arms, cradling her close to my chest, and flew down the stairs.

It took a good few moments for him to realize what was happening, what I was doing. _Oh, c'mon!_ By the time he reached us, though, Bella was safely buckled into the seat, her breathing rapid. "What…do you think you're doing?!" I shouted, far too loud for anyone's sake, at Emmett as I watched him pile into the back seat.

"This is the only way I'll get to bond with Bella; you never seem to go away from her long enough for me to be alone with her! Honestly, it's like you don't trust me to keep us out of trouble," he mumbled, like a rather large part of him was offended.

I rolled my eyes, and replied, "I'm just taking her home so she can pack some clothes, since somebody thought it would be funny to take her old ones."

"Well, I can't help it if Jasper likes to feel pretty."

BPOV

Perhaps my whole idea to "forget" clothes so Edward would simply take me home was stupid. No, it wasn't perhaps; it was definitely a stupid idea, which wasn't new for me. Emmett in my house was scarier than Victoria in it. He wasn't like Edward, gentle with everything he touched, no; Emmett handled things roughly, sometimes dropping them in a carefree manner, all of which Edward bustled to catch.

"Edward," I groaned as I shoved a pair of socks in a duffel bag. Edward was fanned across my bed, looking more like a mirage than my fiancé. He weakly smiled, finding nothing to say, and honestly, -what was there to say? Emmett was down in the living room, watching my father's television, and I knew that in a matter of moments it could be broken. Emmett in my house was like giving a knife to a murderer.

He stood up, knocked the bag out of my hands, and placed his arms around my waist. "I know, Bella, trust me. Just pack up your stuff and we'll get out here as we can, and I promise I'll replace anything he breaks."

I smiled weakly and kissed him before returning to stuffing random clothes into the bag. I didn't care if I was packing a tutu or a wetsuit; I just wanted to get Emmett the hell out of my father's house. I reached for a pair of jeans that were only inches away when my heart nearly exploded.

"Jackpot!" His shrill voice lingered throughout the house and I was surprised one of the neighbors didn't call the cops. Charlie arriving at his own house was something that not even a vampire could conjure up an excuse for. The pants flew across the room, my hand's own reaction to his scream.

"What the hell?" I whispered as Edward groaned; whatever Emmett's thoughts were, Edward clearly didn't like them.

The last time I checked Charlie didn't stash away piles of gold, so some sort of jackpot was out of the question, but Charlie really didn't have much of anything that could be considered jackpot-like. Before I could find my way downstairs, to find what treasures Emmett had found, he was at my door, his smile far too wide for these treasures to be good.

It took a few blinks and my jaw to the floor to find him standing there, beer bottles hanging from his arms, all full. "Time to bond, Bella," he chuckled, throwing one to me.

_A/N: I'm super sorry about not updating in a long time, I promise it won't happen again. Anyways this chapter doesn't have as much as humor, I needed to set the setting for the next one, but trust me, the next one will. Emmett, Bella, Edward, plus some beer, what could possibly happen?_

_Anyways review and tell me what you think!_


	6. Bonding Mishaps

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's Note: Enjoy and review!

EPOV

My jaw hung open, my mind trying to grasp the slippery ideas of Emmett's mind. The things, most of which were highly inappropriate even for a man of his age, he thought all involved my sweet Bella doing promiscuous things, some of which she never even knew existed.

A wicked grin stretched across his face, enthusiastic and quite naïve; he obviously had no idea what alcohol did to humans, what too much alcohol exactly did. And those things that alcohol did to people, it wouldn't do that to Bella. I wouldn't let a beverage corrupt my Bella. Besides, she was far below the legal drinking age. "No," my voice was stern and loud; enough to make him back down, but I should've known, should've known that Emmett would stop at nothing to happen.

"C'mon," he groaned, setting down of a few of the beer bottles onto Bella's dresser, "you've been all crazy about Bella getting as many as human experiences as she can before she is changed, and this is one! How would it feel to know for the rest of eternity that you denied her of this, this wonderful human experience?"

My eyes grew considerably larger, my breaths heavier, the human side of me, the one Bella so neatly brought out, turned the dial to maximum. It was true; I wanted to Bella to have _every_ human experience before I changed her, taking her life was more than enough of a crime, and I felt as though if she got theses experiences that perhaps the changing would be a little less severe. Emmett continued on looking, or rather glaring, at me awaiting my answer, anticipation glinting in his golden eyes. But this was a human experience Bella didn't need, as horribly cheesy as it sounded, Bella could get drunk off other things. Like me, she could get drunk of me; because I knew I surely became intoxicated with her.

"Really, Emmett, I don't need to do this, it's okay," Bella assured him, her face for once a paler shade than normal, her heart not beating fast and rapid, but slow, like it was skipping a beat. It'd thump and a few seconds later another thump would follow. She continued on stuffing clothes into her bag as she hoped that I would finish off this predicament.

"Sure you do, Bella! Think about it, I mean honestly, it's one of the best perks of being a human! Getting totally wasted, waking up forgetting what you did and then doing it all over again!" He was giddy, like a child in candy store, after being told he could pick out as much as wanted, as much as his heart desired. He reached for one of the bottles, popped off the cap, foam spilled over as a smile on his face spilled over as well. "Just do it," he insisted, looking far too much like those teenagers you saw on that video in health class. That video where they taught those five steps to saying no to alcohol and drugs, but this seemed harder, especially for Bella. She couldn't walk five steps with tripping, this would be much harder.

"It's not even legal, Emmett! She's only eighteen and her father is a cop! What is he going to think when the house smells like alcohol, it's not like he's going to suspect the cat next door, he's going to think it was Bella and he'll be right," I spat, my voice rushed and jumbled.

"Wise," Emmett concluded, giving me for the second false hope that he was mature, "but that's why I brought some air freshener!" He whipped out a spray bottle of some type of air freshener, and I had the intense urge to throw something at him, wishing with everything inside of me that it would hurt him. "Who knew your Dad was such a fanatic about pine fresh?" he chuckled at Bella, before reaching for her hand and pulling her up. Her knees wobbled, her palms resting on the chair next to the computer. He reached for the beer, and swung it in front of her face, trying his hardest to dazzle her.

"No!" I bellowed, throwing my hands into the air. I lunged for the bottle, but he neatly dodged me, and threw the bottle towards Bella. And here I thought he couldn't be any stupid. She shrieked and jumped out of the way, causing the bottle to smash against the wall, and the liquid inside to run down the side of the wall, the pungent smell of alcohol wafted throughout the air.

She wrinkled her nose, raised an eyebrow, and spoke in a sour voice, "If it smells so bad, then how can is possibly taste good?" She walked over to me, making sure not to step into the mess, and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Please, Edward, make him stop" she mumbled into my shirt.

"But it does taste good, if it didn't then why would millions of people drink it? C'mon, Bella, it's like trying a new food, you never know until you try it. Just one sip, and that's it, I'll leave you alone," he grinned wickedly grabbing a new bottle and unscrewing it for her. He held it out for her, his eyes pleading, and I wondered for a moment if I was the only one to dazzle her, because if I wasn't, she was surely screwed.

She sighed, and whispered, "But it's against the law, Emmett, and Edward is right, with my Dad being a cop, this is too much a risk."

"Just a sip," he pushed the drink farther in her face, his smile broadening.

Bella scowled, still maintaining an unfathomable way of being adorable, and snatched the bottle from him. She made a face as the stench smacked her across her face, and lifted the bottle to the lips. She tilted her head back, allowing the contents to stretch across her tongue and down her throat, and into her small frame, which I doubted could withstand the consequences of too much.

She took the bottle away from her mouth, swallowed down the contents, and turned to Emmett. "Well, maybe it's not so bad," she admitted sheepishly.

"Told you!" he shouted, loud enough for all of Forks to hear.

"Well, now that you've tried it, maybe we should head home," I suggested, my voice wary and uneven.

"No, no, Edward, just one more, it's has a certain taste, it's a taste that isn't necessarily good, but something about it," she started to explain but didn't have the patience to finish before swigging down another mouthful. She smiled, and took another, and another, and before I could fathom as to what was happening, she was reaching for another.

To say Emmett looked pleased was an understatement, he looked too damn giddy to hold it in, and he was on his toes, anticipating her to reach the next one. "Er, Bella, what are you doing?" I asked, snaking my arm around her waist, restraining from anymore of the beverage. She scowled; her eyebrows pulled together, and crossed her arms over her chest. Surely, she couldn't be drunk already? It was just one drink, right?

My mind raced, the classes I had taken wove throughout my brain, and I tried to gain an answer of whether or not I knew what to do, or what I was supposed. I had been to medical school, but honestly, how did the knowledge of the female reproductive system help?

Somehow she escaped my hold and was pouring down the second one, the second one that Emmett had opened for her. "This is really good," she murmured to herself, like an idiot, and dumped the rest into her body. My jaw hung open, perhaps even farther than before, and it took all I had not to tackle Emmett. He was laughing, no rather having a fit at the fool that Bella was making of herself.

"Emmett," I said between my teeth, knowing all too well that if I could I'd be just as red as Bella, but not out of nervousness or self-consciousness, but rather the intense urge of wanting to kill; frustration. He didn't seem to be fazed; the clenched fists, tight jaw, heavy breathing were just a normalcy for me, nothing new. I took a step closer, and another, ready to throw anything at him, and with the disadvantage that vampires couldn't feel pain, I'd find a way to make him regret this. I'd find a way if it killed me.

"C'mon, Edward, really, it's no big deal, let her have this human experience, let her live," he spoke, his voice even, as though rehearsed and full of burning of confidence. Confidence that my fist was about to shatter into pieces.

"I'm going to defenestrate you," I bellowed, hoping that perhaps my wide range of vocabulary, most of which was long and had intense pronunciation, would faze him. It only made him laugh, no, giggle, more. His thoughts became a scrapbook, one that would x-rated, but pictures of him and Rosalie doing things that nobody cared to see, not even the loneliest man on earth would lust after them. Supposedly, defenestrate meant something totally different to him, than it actually meant.

"Oh, wouldn't Bella be a bit jealous? You should save all that sexual stuff for her," he cackled, his face forming laugh lines, his eyes closed, and his hand over his stomach.

"Damn it, Emmett, it means I'm going to throw you out of the window!"

"Is that what kids are calling it theses days? Back then, they just said 'I'm going to take you bed', not 'I'm going to throw you out the window', but I must say it is a very good way to confuse the parents. Hell, I should say in front of Carlisle!"

"Emmett!" I couldn't stop myself, it was an involuntary action, the way my feet left the floor and I found myself suddenly airborne towards Emmett. He didn't move, not an inch, but stood there, with that damn grin on his face. I tackled him to the ground, pinning his legs and arms underneath me, all while snarling in his laughing face. Nothing could deter this guy.

"Maybe," he gasped, "you should stop putting the moves on me, and check on your girlfriend, no wait, your fiancée! What kind of future husband are you when you let her get totally wasted by herself?" I shot my head towards Bella, only to find her leaning against the side of the door, her mumbling words to her self, making her sound as though she was fluent in gibberish, and next to her, on the dresser, sat eight, eight empty bottles of beer, all of which Bella had drank, by herself.

"Oh dear God, Bella!" I sprang to my feet and gathered Bella into my arms; she was warmer than usual and reeked of alcohol and freesia: a very pungent combination. She smiled crookedly at me, fizz drooping from the corner of her mouth and threw her arms around my neck, pressing her body next to every angle of mine. How this could be fun to humans was unfathomable.

"Bella wants Edward to take off this stupid shirt," she giggled, pulling at my collar, anxious to get it off of me. She pressed herself closer, and breathed onto my neck, sending of waves of heat throughout my cold body. And for a moment, I didn't care about the smell, or the fact that Bella was acting like a total moron, like a total Emmett, but the feeling I got when she did that, the feeling that enraged throughout my body was almost too much to bear.

"Bella, please," I groaned, pushing her slightly away. The scent of her breath smacked me across the face, and insulted my nose.

She pressed herself closer, and whimpered, "The pants, too, they should go. Such a sexy man shouldn't wear such ugly clothes." But hadn't she said she liked my pants earlier?

"Bella, your drunk," I tried to reason with her, my head spinning with ideas, all of which didn't seem to fit the current situation.

"And you're a poodle, but I still love you, especially when you bake me pumpkins in the microwave," she slurred. I held her at an arm's length and lowered an eyebrow; pumpkins, microwaves. I knew that alcohol sometimes did crazy things to people, but this was Bella and she was different, right? This wasn't supposed to be happening, especially not to my Bella, my sweet Bella.

"Are those code words too, Edward? Maybe you could defenestrate the poodles, too!" Emmett hollered from the other corner of the room, knowing to keep a safe distance. I snarled back at him before returning to Bella who was reaching for _another_ bottle.

I quickly gathered the bottles, the full ones, and stuck them high in her closet, on a shelf she would need a chair to reach, and by the looks of it, I doubted if Bella even knew what a chair was. When I turned back to her from shuffling away the alcohol, she stood against the door, still tipsy of course, but she had taken off her shirt, revealing only her undergarment.

If Emmett was having fun before, it couldn't compare to how he was now. His shrieks of shrill laughter could easily be mistaken for some sort of earthquake. "Er, Bella, what are you doing?" I asked hesitantly, wanting to keep as much space between us as possible. I didn't have the best track record when it came to the undergarments of women, especially Bella's.

"Just wondering," she answered simply, snapping one of the straps before turning her attention back to me, "maybe you should wear this, Edward, you'd look really pretty." She wobbled forward, resting herself onto my chest, before trying to take it off.

I quickly grabbed her hands in an unbreakable hold, my eyes bigger than life itself, and stuttered, "No, no, Bella, you have to wear that, otherwise, uh, things would just happen."

"What, you won't love Bella?" A pout spread across her face, distinctive and strong.

"No, Bella, I'll still love you, it's just you have to keep _that_ on," I soothed, trying everything I could, every trick I knew, to keep that garment _on_ Bella. And before she could resist, or I could force her into a shirt, and even before Emmett could make another dirty remark, tires screeched along the road, and into the driveway.

I had been too busy, too occupied in investing all my energy in getting Bella to keep her clothes on, that I didn't even realize that Charlie was home. Charlie had come home early from his fishing trip, a home with eight empty bottles, an obnoxious Cullen, a drunken daughter, and a very dead fiancé

_A/N: Ah, I know I suck at updating. I'll try to sneak in another chapter before the weekend, since I won't be able to this upcoming weekend. I hope it wasn't too far off, I've never had beer, and I've never been drunk, so hopefully it was alright. _

_As early birthday presents, please review!_

_If it's really far off, I will take it down, so please, honestly tell me..._


	7. French Squirrels

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's Note: Read and enjoy!

EPOV

Despite being immortal, I knew my existence was only mere minutes away before ceasing. I had been too distracted by Bella's abnormal behavior and Emmett egging her on to notice Charlie pull in the driveway, and now taking his keys out of the ignition. I knew Bella had constantly told me of my powers, not the obvious telepathic ones, no, but rather my "dazzling" ones, and surely I didn't need Alice to already know there was no way I could myself out of this. Vampire or not, I was in a hole much too deep.

I ran my eyes over the room, I had to at least attempt to try and fix this, and it would surely tip Charlie off if beer bottles were lying around his underage daughter's room. Emmett would simply say something like "It's for a school project," and the fact that school had been out for nearly three weeks wouldn't even run through his mind. At least my vampire speed would be useful as I flew around the room collecting beer bottles into my arm, while Emmett sat in the rocking chair, his grin unbearably large, and although he wasn't saying anything out loud, I could read it in face, as his mind was also, surprisingly blank.

Bella was draped over her bed, an occasional hiccup erupting from her body. I knew how to clean of the evidence, but how to deal with Bella, with Charlie was an entirely another story.

Placing the bottles in the back of her closet would be rather stupid, of course, Charlie, if he suspected anything, would look there, and throwing them into the trash or recycling bin would only make the evidence scream out at him, loud and quite clear. I'd spent plenty of nights at Bella's house, and days, too, and knew where most things were: her bedroom, Charlie's room, the living room, the bathroom, etc; but I never bothered to look for a room that was rarely used, a room that I could stash these bottles away.

_I really wish Billy hadn't of gotten sick, spending the next two days here instead of fishing isn't going to be much fun. I think there is a game on tonight, though. _Charlie's thoughts rang through my head, calm enough, his heart beating at a normal pace, but I knew that could all change in a matter of moments, very short moments. Unlike a good brother, Emmett didn't move an inch, not a finger, wanting so badly to see how this was going to turn out. I rushed down the stairs, not caring nearly as much if I was making noise, and into the kitchen. I could hear Charlie getting closer, his scent –quite a normal, bland one, - getting closer. And for the first time in nearly one hundred years, I panicked.

I scanned my eyes around the room for a place where it would be acceptable to place the evidence. The trash can was out before I even looked at it. Sure, I could shove the bottles into the bottom of the bag, but it was the time crunch I was in that made this such a bad idea, but rather the fact smelling like garbage and having it all over me would be just as hard to explain. Emmett had a quick thought about filling the bottles up with water and putting them in the back of the fridge, but that didn't seem feasible, as most of the caps had been lost somewhere in Bella's room and the bottles were already tarnished, ripped of their new looking appearance.

He was coming closer, his hands reaching into his pocket for the house keys. I sprinted towards the trash can, using it as a last resort, I'd just say I'd accidentally knocked it over and that was why I was covered in gunk, but as I did so, several items out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Plates, clean and sparkly from the sun beating down on it, sat among the counter, all making neat piles. It looked as though most of the cabinet's contents were spilled across the counter, air drying.

I hastily opened the cabinet where the Swans kept their plates in, and as stupid as I knew it was, as much as I knew it was certainly not going to work, I shoved the bottles in there, making a jumble, yes, but still making sure they all fit. Just in time for his arrival, I shut the cabinet. Charlie, unbeknownst to the presence of his daughter's fiancé in the same room, kicked off his shoes, and threw his keys on the table. I stood close to the counter, gripping the sides of it, knowing that if I put anymore pressure upon it, it would break.

He took a whiff of the air, looking normally, like a person would if there was a pleasant smell in the air, a new one, one that they hadn't yet experienced, but as he identified the scent, his eyes narrowed. "What the?" he asked to himself, perhaps thinking it'd give him the answer to why exactly his house reeked of alcohol. It was quite clear that he was the only one who could legally drink in his own home, as Bella was under twenty-one. _She wouldn't….not when I'm a cop….that Cullen boy is a bad influence and now they're getting married! She's heading down a bad path…_

He twisted around, and saw me, and his jaw dropped, his eyes narrowing on me. "You!" he pointed an angry finger in my direction, an accusing one. He walked forward, his anger growing with each step he took. "You! You've been drinking in my house, and you're…you're not old enough…and in my house…and drinking!"

"Charlie-" I began, strumming through my mind for a legitimate excuse, one he may not fully buy, but one that I could get away with, even just barely.

"It's Chief Swan to you!" he roared, his voice louder and demanding. I pushed up to the counter harder, hoping that it would simply open up so I could fall in. I had never been more afraid of a human in my life. He was closer now, still a distance away from me, but enough to tell me that he had no problem coming closer. "Care to explain your in _my _house, drinking? Do you? And where the hell is Bella? Has she finally left your sorry-" he bellowed, running out breath.

"No, sir, no," I interrupted him quickly, steering the words he spoke away from Bella, away from anything to do with her, but now as I was stuck in this situation, I knew she would very well come up much sooner than later.

"Then why the hell are you in my house, first of all? And second, why are you drinking? And Bella, where is she?"

I decided it'd be wise to answer the Bella question first, knowing that if I could get him to believe the answer to that one first, I could easily sway him into the other ones. "Bella, she's shopping with Alice, big surprise, of course," I tried to laugh, although my voice sounded more like a yelp, "and I'm in your house, because she called me telling me that she had forgotten something and wondered if I could get it for her. I assure you, sir, that I didn't break in, and Bella is safe, maybe not from shopping, but safe."

He didn't buy it, I didn't need to read his mind to read that one, but it didn't hurt to just peek, to see how well this was riding with him. _Please, boy, spare me the lies. I believe the Bella part, Alice tends to bring her shopping quite a lot, but the whole getting something she forgot is ludicrous. He broke in my house to get the good stuff….I bet Carlisle doesn't have anything like I do….he must be a health nut…what with him being a doctor and seeing sick people all the time. _"Oh please, what's the real story, boy?" Charlie demanded, not at all pleased with what I was feeding him.

"Sir, I assure you that I'm telling you the truth, the honest truth," I answered.

"Then why does my house smell of alcohol?" he demanded, his patience –which had been rather small to start with- was growing thin, draining.

"It's my cologne," I spluttered. This wasn't going to work; Charlie might be older, not up to date with what exactly what was in style, what most kids wore and did, but he was most certainly not going to believe this. Even if his generation was different than the one I pretended to be apart of, he knew that cologne was not supposed to smell like alcohol, no matter how much times had changed.

"So you're telling me like smelling like _that_, is appealing, not only does it smell like alcohol, but vomit, too. I guess Bella's found herself a keeper," he added, his tone reeking of intense sarcasm. Upstairs, far away from where I was doing my best to convince Charlie that nothing was wrong, that nothing was out of order, that his daughter wasn't drunk and his future son-in-law's brother wasn't watching in entertainment, the two upstairs were doing just that. Bella was hunched over the toilet, from what I could collect from Emmett's thoughts, puking her inside outs, and Emmett would occasionally make sure she was still breathing, of course. _I'm really glad I'm not a human _would occasionally flow from his mouth, automated, as he had to say that to himself every so often, just so he wouldn't get sick himself, even if that was impossible.

I snapped back into the inquisition Charlie was throwing at me, the questions to the point, and wanting a rather quick answer. "Alice bought it, actually, she says it's French."

"You're telling me that the French enjoy smelling like dead squirrels?" he snapped, in all seriousness, no hint of a mocking manner drawn upon his face, not even slightly. My eyes bulged, my lips glued together. Dead squirrels? I knew, from reading human's minds, smelling it in the college atmosphere when I went to medical school, and from generalness, alcohol did have a pungent smell, one you had to become accustomed to, something you had to morph yourself into liking-but dead squirrel? Surely, it didn't smell _that_ bad.

"Dead…squirrel?" I stuttered, my words sloshed and incoherent, which obviously wasn't help in my case to convince him that I was in fact not inebriated. Charlie, of all people residing in this home, ought to know what alcohol really smelled like, but perhaps he was just saying this as the icing of his inquisition cake. His icing that was begging me to crack.

"Yes, dead squirrel, it smells like that," he replied, his tone even and normal, trying to convince me that he wasn't suspecting anything. But what he didn't know was that I could easily read his mind, and his thoughts, absurd as they might have been, worked well for a man finding his daughter's boyfriend- this case fiancée- in his home, of which smelled like alcohol, every inch of the home dripping of the pungent smell. _Believability of the squirrel smell: 4/10. Stupidity of the boy: 100000000/10. _

"Are…are you sure?" I asked again, making sure my voice was more even, not stuttering.

"Are you saying that I wouldn't know what a dead squirrel smells like?" He accused me, a finger pointing at my face, an angry one. "For all you know Forks could be invested with squirrels and maybe I've been appointed to exterminate them." I couldn't help but crack a smile, Charlie was obviously finding that he was losing, and now sounded more like a twelve year old boy who couldn't think of a comeback.

"No, sir, I wasn't saying that, but I…"

"No, I'll have you know that I'm very aware of what alcohol smells like and dead squirrel!"

"I didn't say that you didn't," I quickly squeezed in, my voice much smaller, and almost scared, of a human no less.

"Just get out of my house before you end up like the other squirrels," he spat, his eyes narrowed, so much that they could easily stay like that if he remained in that position for a little longer.

I nodded, working out the plan, or simply decisions out of sheer panic. I would leave the house, climb up into Bella's window and run like I never had back to my home, pulling Emmett along, and never, ever, _ever_ listen to Emmett again. I walked slowly, prolonging the movements, making sure everything was set in stone, except of course for one thing. One major thing, an important one, yes, and could and did easily break the story I had built up, the story Charlie decided to just believe out of laziness and unwillingness to look at my face anymore.

He reached for the cabinet I had so stupidly shoved the bottles into, and pulled it open, unaware what would pour out onto him, hard evidence. He was muttering, "Fishing can really make you parched," before he opened it fully, all the bottles falling out of the cabinet, upon the counter, and onto him.

"Cullen!" he bellowed, his face redder than Bella's had ever been, and his hands automatically pulled into tight fists.

I slowly spun around, biting down on my lip, the regular stance of a person just being caught and whispered, my voice barely audible, "Yes?"

"What are these?" he demanded.

"Cologne bottles?"

_A/N: Okay, so I know most of you would like to kill me for not updating this in such a long time, but I had written this chapter originally a week after I had last posted, but it was just very bad, and I wasn't happy with it. I didn't think it would be very fair to have posted that version. Also, I have nothing against squirrels. xD_

_Anyways, please review and tell me what you think and I'll try to update faster. There will only be 3-4 more chapters left! Also, vote in my new poll!_


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